Potential?

Got chatting to a guy last night. He emailed me first then asked to go on chat. I accepted because he seemed nice.

We had a good laugh and we seem to have stuff in common. I'm looking forward to chatting with him again tonight if he's around. He says he'll be on the site but knowing my luck and with the way things have been going.....

Got 2 new emails. One had a subject line "hello ladies" and the other was simply "hi". I opened the "hello ladies" first. It was from a guy who was genuinely seeking a long term relationship. He said he would reply to all emails.

First problem: "hello ladies" ???? How many of me are there? It was obviously sent as a group email blasted out to everyone who met his criteria - female!

Second problem: "genuinely seeking a long term relationship", hmmm.... not sure if I'll fall for that one again!

Third problem: I checked his profile. He's 43 and never been in a relationship. Wow! What a catch! Not!

Ok, next.

Opened the other email. A brief hello, how are you and then a short bit about himself, followed by an invitation for me to tell him a bit about myself. Now that's more like it.

I sent a reply back and managed to delete the bit about all my former fellas before I hit send. No need for him to know that I've been around the block a few (?) times. Kept it cheerful and brief - former fellas definitely do not fit into either category!

He was offline so hopefully I should have a nice surprise waiting for me in my inbox this evening.

Wish me luck. Off to check it now......

Nothing Changes!

Got chatting on the instant messaging service with a guy who has emailed me a couple of times. Thought this one might have potential. We had loads in common and he didn't reply in 1 word sentences.

It was all going well until he asked "the question". You know the one, "Can I ask you something?" My heart sank and I just knew what was coming. I was right. I replied that the color of my underwear was no concern of his and I would prefer if he did not contact me again.

The best thing on this site is the "block" button. It's probably the most used button as there seems to be a never ending supply of creeps who pretend to be nice guys.

Ok, so I have to look at this objectively. How do I weed out the losers and creeps from the general pool?

1. If they haven't been in a relationship or if their longest relationship was less than 5 years they are to be avoided like the plague. At our age why do they think they are suddenly capable of a long term relationship now?

2. No profile pic. If I can put up a picture why can't they? Unless of course they are hiding something - like a wife!

3. The "I don't like all this messaging stuff, let's meet up" guys. The whole point of the messaging is to find common ground and get to know each other a little bit. Build a bit of a friendship so if a meeting is arranged at least we will be able to talk. The "let's meet up" guys are usually only looking for sex. Their idea of a relationship is to text the next day and arrange the next sex session.

4. If they give you their phone number in the first or second contact and ask you to phone them. Pushy! Chill out guys. These guys may be ok - just might not be used to communicating with women but treat them with caution!

No doubt I will be adding to this list as I go on but that is the total wisdom picked up so far!

Gotta go and check my email........................

After the Date

Well, I got a brief message from "my date". He wants to stay in touch and says he liked meeting me - the kiss of death in dating terms. I'll probably never hear from him again. No mention of meeting again so from that I can safely surmise he doesn't want to!

Got 2 new emails in the last few days. Both guys wanted to meet. My instincts tell me this is not good. No chit chat, no sharing of info. The general excuse seems to be that they can't be doing with all this messaging and would rather meet face to face. I thought the whole point of the messaging was to explore safely and see if there was any common ground before deciding to meet.

Beginning to think that most of the men on the site want sex and nothing else. Their idea of long term is to stay all night! They don't seem to be able to grasp the idea that a relationship is about 2 people relating ie. communicating and sharing.

I'm learning a lot from this online dating thing. I don't think I'll ever take what a man tells me at face value ever again........

The Date!

So, first date. I don't know why it's called a date because it's really only a first meeting. Calling it a date puts way too much pressure on it and too much emphasis on having to make a decision there and then.

I met him in a local pub. I decided it was safer for him to come to my town and meet me in a place where I know people.

He seemed nice enough. The earth didn't move but we had a good long chat and laughed a lot - no awkward pauses. When it came time to leave we shared a quick hug and left it at that.

He texted me soon after leaving and we decided we might meet up again. Not sure about the might, sounds a bit iffy to me. I presume that as he didn't make a second date, he isn't really that into me. Oh well, never mind at least it's done and dusted.

So it's back to waiting for the next contact........

Day 9

Got a date!!!! One of the guys I was chatting with wants to meet and he will be in my town in a few days time. We exchanged phone numbers and spoke for a while. He seems nice so I agreed to meet with him for a coffee and chat. We're meeting in the local cafe so I'll be surrounded by people I know and also can escape if I need to!

What do I wear? Dressy, casual, dressy but casual? The meeting is during the day so I'd better not go over the top. Keep it casual ish... At least I've got a couple of days to make up my mind.

Finally got the pic through from the other guy. Too many men!!!! Very confusing.  Not sure if he's my type. Before this I didn't realize that I even had a type! I'll keep in touch with him just in case!

Time to start sorting through my clothes.......

Day 8

All quiet today. No emails, no chat. A few guys viewed my profile but haven't contacted me.

I think it's time to change my profile pic. Got a nice pic from the other night when I was out with the girls. Little bit of editing and it should be good to go!

Ok, new pic uploaded, now it's time to wait and see if this makes a difference. Maybe I should clear out my email inbox in preparation for all the new emails!

Checked out a few profiles but didn't find anyone I really wanted to get to know. The only ones vaguely interesting live hundreds of miles away and I have no intention of spending most of my free time commuting to dates.

Let's see what tomorrow brings......

Day 7

Well, no reply from the "nice guy". No surprises there then! Why do the nice ones have so much baggage? They accuse us of having loads of problems but they don't consider their own behavior. It's all part of the learning curve I suppose.

Got chatting to another guy. He wants to meet up in a few week's time because he'll be free then! Not sure what that means. I'll have to do a bit of digging and ask lots of questions. I wonder what kind of baggage he's carrying around.

I'm starting to get very cynical about these men. Maybe one will come along and renew my faith in human nature. Good luck with that!

Ok, so it's back to the drawing board! Next!

Day 6

No reply yet from the "nice guy". He's been online but hasn't replied. Not looking good! Have to wait and see.

Got 2 new emails. One guy looking for a quickie and the other simply saying "hi". Ignored the first and replied to the second. Not sure if this guy is shy or just hasn't got any communication skills! Maybe he just doesn't like giving away too much about himself! No fear of that!

Got email from site support asking me if I want to upgrade to a premium account. Very tempted to reply asking if they want to upgrade the men on their site first! The only extras they seem to be offering are an extra page where I can see if guys I've said I'd like to meet want to meet me too and the words "premium member" to be included in my profile.

Apparently, each time a guy clicks on the wants to meet me button I'll get an email notification anyway and I don't really need "premium member" on my profile. I guess the answer to upgrading is "no" then!

Time to go back to waiting ........

Day 5

Things might be looking up at last. Got nice (but short) email from a nice guy - well, he seems nice at the moment! I'll take it slow and see what happens. I'll just dash off a quick but friendly reply.

My profile has now been viewed by 16 men. 3 of these have contacted me so far, so here's hoping!

Just checked the new users page. 2 new men meet my search criteria but neither are my ideal type of man. (1 doesn't want a relationship and the other looks much too old for his age!)

Just got a reply from the "nice guy". Still seems nice! He's told me a little about himself and wants to know about me! Keep it brief and simple!

He's gone off line. I'll just have to wait and see if he responds later......

Day 4

Still no pic from the guy, but another message. He wants to meet me. I replied asking him for the pic first. Have to play this one by ear I guess.

Got message from a guy who wants to know if he can move in with me and make me happy! I replied that no he can not move in with me and I make myself happy. His reply to this was a list of the ways - mostly sexual- that he could make me happy. Hit block button! That put an end to his little fantasies!

Oh well, 4 days into this and at least I've made contact with a few men. No positive results yet but I'll just have to be patient. No replies from the guys I emailed so can only assume they are not interested.

Why does this seem to be getting harder rather than easier! Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Day 3

Got chatting to a guy! Seems nice. No pic though. I've asked him to send me a recent photo but haven't heard from him yet. He wants to meet me but I think I'll wait and try to get to know him a little bit first.

2 more emails from guys just saying hello. Things are looking up! One guy is older than I was looking for but the other one looks ok. I'll answer both just to be polite. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Reply to emails and then back to waiting .........

Day 2

Another message! A marriage proposal! I'm on a roll!

So, some guy in South Africa wants to marry me so that he can come and live here. Very romantic! Not! This guy must be desperate. He hasn't even bothered to start a conversation with me. Just launched straight in. He must think I'M desperate!

Good God man, I signed up to make friends with the possibility of future romance not because I couldn't bear to be alone!

This dating thing is more difficult than I imagined. Where's the romance, the thrill, the tentative hope?

Another message. Someone has viewed my profile! Am I supposed to send him a message or what? Better not, he hasn't bothered to message me so he probably doesn't like what he sees.

Time to do a search and see who is out there. Maybe my one true love is waiting for me and I haven't even looked for him! Search criteria? Male, aged between 43 and 50, over 5'6" tall, not married. Hit submit. 942 possibilities!

Forgot to add in area details in the search. So, same criteria plus lives within 50 miles of me. Hit submit. 11 possibilities. Ok, well, let's give it a go.

First guy looks like he's in his early nineties. 1 down 10 to go. Next. This is more promising. Not bad looking, similar interests. Ah, not looking for a relationship. 9 to go. Next three guys have nothing in common with me and sound a bit freaky! Ok, 6 to go. This one seems alright. I'll keep him in mind. Next one wants kids, that's me out then. Pity, he was kind of cute. Next 2 are definitely maybes and the last one is a big no no (seems to want woman to provide for his every need and in return he will take her with him to the pub!).

Right! 3 possibilities. What happens now? If I message them, will I seem desperate? If I message them and they do not reply will I be able to handle it? If I message them and they do reply, what do I do then?

Aaaaaahhhh! Too many questions!!!! Perhaps I should just do what I'm best at!

Wait ..................

Day 1

A message!!!!! Come on hurry up, open!

Ok. Message from a guy asking if I fancy a quickie.

Check my profile. Yes, it still says interested in long term relationship. No mention of intimate encounter wanted. Obviously the guy can't read. Still, better check his profile just in case he's drop dead gorgeous.

No pic! Says he's interested in long term relationship too! How long term does he mean? 10 minutes?

Maybe long term relationship means something else on this site. Oh well, back to waiting!!........

Taking the Plunge

Being single for three years, the wrong side of 40 and with an attitude of positivity, I decided to enter the world of online dating.

Weary of being hit on by every married man within a 5 mile radius and looked on with suspicion by their wives, I decided it was time to find my true love.

First stop, find a suitable dating site.

After much searching I found the ideal site. Ok, so far so good. Describe myself in glowing terms -gsoh,  enjoy socializing, easy going. Define what I want from the whole experience - long term relationship. Add other details such as hobbies and interests, age, ideal first date etc etc. Upload picture. Aah, first problem. Current photos make me look 45. Not good. I know I AM 45 but the whole world doesn't need to see this!

Dilemma! Should I use those gorgeous pics taken 5 years ago or grit my teeth and go for the old hag look?

After much soul searching (and a couple of glasses of wine) the old hag look won. Honesty is always the best policy - well, it'll save me the embarrassment of the looks of horror on my dates faces when they see the real me.

Hit submit.

Ok, profile live. Nothing to do but wait........

Over 40, over the hill?

You are entering the twilight zone of dating for the over 40s - a surreal world of adventure, excitement, disappointments and unfulfilled dreams.

Not for the faint hearted!